Chapter 01: Can’t be the same.
Being alone can drive you crazy seriously. No, don’t believe me it’s science. See loneliness is directly proportional to the quality & quantity you talk. I used to be the one who was the most talkative among the friends & family. People once used to laugh at my one-liners. Yes! Once upon a time.
But, everything going perfectly is not acceptable neither to society, to friends or even to God. You fall for someone so deep that you can actually feel the changes in you. You become something new, something different. We usually call it the better version of our self. You start to blossom in the wind, enjoy the rain. The optimist in you is at its peak. Then, again on the graph of destiny and life, you fall. You fall so hard that you cannot ever become you again. The state of you that ask questions usually starts with why?
There is the birth of a whole new you. You can survive a breakup. You can forget “the one” eventually whom you thought to make your soul mate. But, it’s much harder to surpass what that little bastard blood pumping machine has done to you. You think of it as just a bad experience and let it go without realizing that the fact about experiences is you cannot undo it. It stays with you no matter what. It changes you, it evolves you, it’s the turning point.
Time flies and you start acting normal. You have to behave like nothing has changed. You build a fake personality. You know what you are doing but you need to do that to be part of your friends and family again because no has got time for your mellow-drama. You have convinced yourself that you are happy, only you know it that you are not.
It’s not the fault of friends that they were not there with you. Come ‘on everyone is dealing with something of their own in their life. Even if they are there for you, they can’t be together all the time.
With time you learn to keep things buried in your heart. All those feelings, emotions, small-small experiences. You start noticing every single detail. You start judging people around you and before you know it congrats the world is your enemy. You could have shared your feelings with someone but as you have started judging that this person will not respect your feelings or he/she might get bored so you stop talking.
See, it’s not a big deal that you talk you not. The problem is it’s not you.
Remember when we used to be a person called “Kid”. You could have done anything, say anything, behave the way you felt like. No one was going to judge you or even if they do the kid doesn’t give a damn.
Suddenly you grow up. All of us are so much derived from the process of being mature but the catch is you can’t be you anymore.
Maturity is men don’t cry. I see maturity at that stage of myth which lets you behave according to standards, predetermined rules of society. Maturity is you and your soul enemy have to smile when you share a look in public. Maturity is you have to let go what you love, and the kid in you start hating you. The kid in you uses to cry until he gets what he wanted. He would have a done anything in his power to get a balloon or that toy. He would have done a hunger strike or probably just sit on the floor crying in the middle of a shopping mall or street. He never knew the meaning of you loved enough to let it go.
How childish! The Kid was a jerk, right?